Personal Feelings

Dark path coming!

I make no excuses, I just plain didn’t feel like it. I have lost interest in just

about everything, rearranging my lifestyle is dragging me down, I can’t seem

to find any interest in doing my usual activities. Hopefully this phase will pass

by and soon, I don’t know how much more I can take of this.

Baseball playoff season has started, and this is something that usually perks me up, but I just can’t seem to find any joy in it so far. The Braves and Royals, well what can I say, have failed to live up to the hopes of their respective fan bases so we are back to wait until next year. This has to be especially sad to the Royals' fan base as they had done so well the past two years.

I have been able to reconnect with a few people that I used to have as clients several years ago, most of them seem to be doing well enough, but there are a couple of them that I am still concerned about. I only hope that things turn around for them and they come out the other side better off than they are now. In a way I still consider them my kids, I understand where they are in their lives but only because I have been there myself.

The best thing going in my life right now is that my wife has decided that she needs a break from the life her daughter and grandchildren have had her leading. Now I have someone at home with me to help take care of things, the best part of this is that I can now spend time on my work around the house that otherwise would have been difficult to complete without help. Another positive is that she now has seen and understands why it was that I couldn’t seem to get any of this done during the day.

Such is life.

I don’t usually let myself get this down, but it has happened and I must try to deal with it in a positive manner and come out the other side stronger and more focused. It will take time and energy to get myself put back together, but it will happen. On the up side I have lost 25 pounds and gotten my blood sugar under better control, now the only things that I have left is to deal with are caffeine and cigarettes I am not sure that I want to give those up. After all I have to have something to let me know that I am still alive, don’t I?

No one will ever convince me that life isn’t worth living; that has never been in doubt, but the quality of the life I want to live has. I have contemplated what I would be doing if I hadn’t found the wonderful woman who said yes when I asked her to marry me, and let me tell you the alternatives aren’t pretty, I can only see myself living off of my disability in a tent in the woods by myself. And believe me there are times when this doesn’t seem like a bad idea, but I still enjoy what I have now. What the future holds for me is yet to be seen and the journey there will be long and full of surprises.

Well that is all for now, thanks for allowing me to get this off my chest. Have a great day. Oh, yeah, if you take exception to my ending my posts with peace then please keep it to yourself. For much of my life peace has been my wish, while at the same time war has been my reality. Deal with it. 

Thank you and good night. Peace