Nothing good is ever easy! Part 3

 The Hardest Coin Conclusion

Let me explain:

No, you can't always get what you want, But if you try sometimes, well, you might find that You get what you need. Ah, yeah. 

                                                 The Rolling Stones

I was recently talking to a friend who enlightened me about something I had never really considered. He made reference to sex being a drug, and looking back I began to believe that he was right. the more you get the more you want, very addictive. Thus begins the next iteration of my relationship with Sue. I knew that I wanted a divorce from Brenda, but I didn't know whether Sue wanted to divorce her husband.

On 22 January, just four short months after we first met, a mutual need showed itself and as such a new addiction was revealed. As we were going out for coffee after work I received a kiss that I was sure would break my teeth and a door cracked open. Well, me being how I am I don't peek through cracks I break them wide open. We spent about an hour talking about our pasts and hopes for the future. I made an offer and we wound up at a hotel for a few hours exploring each others desires. So much for thou shalt not commit adultery. 

Now, we had both heard that you cannot build a relationship on sex, but for the fact that we had become friends first in our minds our relationship simply taken the next logical evolutionary  step. I made the decision that if anyone became suspicious at work I would quit before I caused her any problems, and I told her so. To begin with I was taking another female coworker home after work before going to meet Sue at Denny's which kept people guessing. Eventually, however, there were three people who got curious and how they figured it out is beyond me. 

I caught two of them sitting in their usual meeting place and discussed with them how I felt about people who couldn't mind their own business, especially as it applied to my life. I told Sue we may have a problem and that I would keep my promise to her and find a reason to  quit. That was easier than I thought it would be. I found out that it was Anthony who once again, opened his mouth about his suspicion. So confronted him about this only this time not as politely as I did the situation about Clyde. After the conversation I informed him that he would need to find someone to cover my shifts. The reason I gave him was that I would not abide someone who invented stories to fit the narrative he wanted to create. In short I laid my quitting at his feet.

The following month the store got robbed, and Sue had been injured. Now the people involved in the conspiracy of who I was seeing was about to be taken away from the children at play. About two weeks after the robbery we made the decision, after talking with her daughters, that we would be leaving Florida and moving to Missouri. Bringing me back to the root area of my other addictions. However, this time I had a reason to  stay off of the drugs, other than the alcohol which I had once again developed a taste for. 

Another substance related relapse. This one would take five years to overcome. We went through Bible studies and she and her girls were baptized into the Adventist church. Something she had never even considered happening. We attended the Independence, Missouri church, the same one I had attended prior to leaving for Florida. 

In the middle of my relapse we got married, and have been together for a grand total of 32 and one half years. A feat I never thought was possible. We have had our ups and downs and I have endure not just one relapse but two. The final one has lasted for some seven months now. 

So what is the hardest coin in reference to? Let me happily explain. I have attended a number of 12 step meetings and groups and heard several members lament about how long it took some of them to reach the goal of getting their one year coin, some explaining that it had taken them up to ten years to reach this particular goal. For me the hardest coin to get and keep was the 24 hour coin. I would do fine for about the first ten to twelve hours and then I would seek the comfort of alcohol or marijuana to get me through. These cravings lasted for a number of years especially after the state of Oregon legalized it.

We moved back to Kansas and have been here since 2017, and are now living happily with our youngest grandson. I am glad to say that through the grace of God,  we have been clean and sober from all of our addictions for these last 7 months. for me it has been over 2 years since my last taste of alcohol. I carry with me the same 24 hour coin I received all those years ago as a reminder of how difficult it was for me to get to where I am. I also still have my dog tags issued to me way back in 1979 as a reminder of how long it has taken me to get to where I am today. 

It is not through my personal strength that I have been able to reach sobriety, I give all of  the credit to God who sustains me in my recovery. I am in the process of becoming a member of the Thayer Kansas Seventh-day Adventist church. Bringing my life and religious journey, essentially full circle. 

So, after many years of trying I have indeed found that I can't always get what I want, but thanks to determination and faith in the blessings of God I have gotten what I need to sustain my life. I am happy with what I have and lack for nothing of what is necessary for the maintenance of a satisfied life in Christ.

As Journey says in the song Mother Father, "Have faith. Believe", if we live our lives faithfully towards God he will be faithful towards us. This is not to say that we don't have to participate, we are called upon to endeavor as well to help meet our needs. God will help, but we have to do our part as well. Remember, nothing good is ever easy!

Just something to think about. Peace.

Afterthought:

I hope that if you read these last five entries that you will see the problems that I have gone through. But I am not the only person who has traveled this road, there are many others who have had similar experiences and have either recovered, or sadly have succumbed to their addiction(s). It is my truest hope that  you will see this as the cautionary tale that I wanted it to be when I started out on this journey of putting my testimony out there for others to read.

God bless and be well.